Poonam's AND story!

She was just about eighteen. Shy, timid.
Every time a male passed by, she would quickly cover her face. 
Her two year old daughter Rani was adorable! When mom gifted her a doll set, her eyes twinkled in delight. 

I looked at Rani's mother, Mansi and asked."Kitne saal ki ho?"( How old are you?)

She replied throughout the veil, " Athrah" (Eighteen)

I sighed. One kid in her arm and the other due in a few weeks.

"Never went to school?" I try to keep the conversation going.

"No girl in my family went. Who would do the household chores."

She hasn't even finished speaking, when I cut in," What about her?"I asked, pointing at her daughter."She won't go to school either?"

"If it were a boy, the family members would consider."

Rani, held by her 18 year old mother.

I sigh in dismay.

So the cycle would continue. Rani would grow up to do household chores and eventually get married at sixteen and bear children. There was no AND here.No options. Women here had a single identity: of a homemaker. 

I was at Goverdhan, a small village in Uttar Pradesh. I had seen a few marigold farms on my way and was keen to photograph them. A local agreed to accompany me. As we drove past the village, I saw a lush field with dancing marigolds.

An orange dream!

 I immediately took out my camera and starting clicking, unaware of someone watching me. 

I look back and see her looking at me intently.

“I am only clicking, not plucking”, I blurt.

She smiles and says ” You can pluck as many."

Of course I had no intention to pluck those beauties, but thats how I met Poonam, the girl with a gorgeous smile,immense charm and exuberant confidence.

Poonam, posing pretty for my camera!

“Want to see around?”she asked me.
And who could refuse a tour around the village farm, with sugarcane, banana laden trees and freshly grown vegetables. As I conversed with Poonam , I was amazed at her knowledge. While I referred to vegetables in Hindi as "Lauki", "Tori" she replied with a smile in impeccable English " Yes that's Bottle gourd.And that is Ridge gourd."

I was surprised. She belonged to the same village as Mansi, but Poonam decided to break social barriers and went to school, completed her education and now, took care of her farm, marketed her farm produce , ran a flower decoration business and managed her household chores as well.
I was stunned.

She was the "son" of the house. There was No "OR" here. But a list of facets to a single woman.

Here I was talking to a business woman, charming, confident, the face of new India.I was also talking to an efficient, responsible homemaker and an expert farmer. 

I see her niece and nephew playing in fields and promise to return in the evening with a doll set and an a toy airplane. As I turn to leave she hands over her card for wedding decorations. I smile and tell her I would pass it on the nearby resort manager who can share it with prospective clients. 

On my way back I ponder at the lives of Mansi and Poonam. Same village, same social class, almost similar economic backgrounds, same society, but stark differences. Poonam had chosen to break the "OR" and rise to her "AND". She refused to be caged. 

There would be lakhs of Poonams in our country , multi-faceted, talented and capable to do so much more than they are allowed to. Many of them would eventually succeed, while many would struggle like Mansi to break free from the vicious circle of no schooling, early marriages, early motherhood.

Isn't it also the responsibility of our societal attitude? I remember my "educated " , "qualified" neighbor searching a bride for her son. She had a strict condition that she wanted a "Non working daughter -in-law". Till date our society has certain beliefs "engrained" deeply in our minds. A working woman would not be an efficient homemaker. How would she manage two things? 

Is home making only the responsibility of a woman? Largely yes. But solely NO.

A man needs to contribute equally to building his home. Not just in monetary forms, but otherwise as well.

For that the way we are brought up needs to be changed a little. Childhood attitudes like " You cannot cry you are a boy". 

" You are a girl , should we buy you a doll on your birthday?" 

"You do not need to cook , my boy. Your sister will make something for you!"

"Mom where are my socks? Haven't you washed them?"

Why cannot boys cry? Why is the "crying " label associated with girls?

Why should girls play with doll houses and Barbies? Why can't they build toy planes and cars?

Why should a boy not be taught to do his own chores? More than a stereotype, isn't it important for any person to be independent for himself/herself, despite their gender?

It is perfectly okay for girls to like blue and boys to like pink. But for some of us, colors have become labels in itself.

My reverie ends with mom calling me for lunch and I rave about Poonam and her farm over lunch. 

I look at mom and wonder Mom is a homemaker, but even then there is No "OR" in her life.

She is a planner And An efficient strategy maker And A financial expert And An accountant And An unfailing manager And An educationist And a brilliant cook.

A women can never be summed up by just a few labels. Her journey is all about "ands" through various stages and she should never be restricted at "Or's"

I return to Poonam's farm in the evening. The kids smile and sprint towards me. I hand over the toy airplane to the girl and her eyes twinkle with joy. 

Poonam doesn't let me return empty handed. She gives me a basket of marigold flowers and fresh gourds from the farm. She blatantly refused money for it. It was a gift and gifts came without a price tag.But the greater gift was meeting a woman like Poonam who defies labels and is a role model for many many Mansis.

 A tribute

Through veils of doubts,

Dozens of bondages.

Fly over the clouds,

Break free from cages.

Unshackled, Unfettered and free,

Women of wonder, I bow down to thee!

 “This post is a part of #UseYourAnd activity at BlogAdda in association with Gillette Venus“.